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Overwhelmed

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I woke up at 2 a.m. this morning. This seems to be my new “normal”# these days.# Whether it”s a sign of the times or my welcome into menopause (less the hot flashes, thank you Progressive Medical Center), 2 a.m. is my new 6 a.m. Apparently, this is also the preferred time of day that fear and doubt and worry come knocking on my mind”s door. Kinda makes sense, don”t you think? It”s dark, quiet and they have my undivided attention. It”s three against one.

But I noticed something very different today. They came knocking and I greeted them more like I do the pine straw guys that show up at my house every Saturday morning. (Come to my house and you”ll see why we are tops on their list!) I am cordial. I listen and then I politely tell them, “Not today.”# And so it went with my fears. It just so happens though that my fears aren”t as understanding as the kind, yet persistent pine straw dudes.# My fears didn”t like my response and began to knock louder – they were throwing “what if”s”# on top of “what if”s”# – they reminded me of every current challenge in my business and personal life – and added a few more I hadn”t yet thought of for good measure.# When that didn”t move me, they made it personal, attacking all my shortcomings and any failures they could dig up from the past (which were ample).# But instead of crumbling and doing my “usual”# act of working myself into a frenzy and ultimately, a state of defeat and exhaustion, I just smiled. I had their number.

“What are they so afraid of?”# I thought, because they are working like the devil trying to shift my focus from the path I am on. “I must be on to something good to have such an extra, heaping dose of their attention!”## I rolled over and smiled. For good measure, I let them know — I will not be moved.

For years I have read the verse from Philippians, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”# I often wondered what that must feel like. I”ve had glimpses of it in the past, but it seems like I have entered a season of “peace beyond understanding”# and I find myself overwhelmed by it.

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