Dating, living together or engaged, meeting the “other”# woman in your man”s life is never easy. Mothers are afraid of losing their sons and girlfriends fear a potential monster-in-law.
“The best place to start for each of these women is to look at her expectations for this new relationship,”# says Deanna Brann, PhD, wedding blogger with The Huffington Post and author of the new book, “Reluctantly Related: Secrets To Getting Along With Your Mother-in-Law or Daughter-in-Law.” “What does she want the relationship to look like? How can each woman get what she wants without turning it into a competition?”#
You both love the same man so a lot of sharing needs to happen, but it can be easier if you know what key points to focus on, right from the start:
Mothers:
- Accept that your relationship with your son is changing. He”s a man, and can make his own decisions. Let him go. Graciously accept your new relationship with him.
- Your son loves this woman; so learn why he is so crazy about her. Then embrace those things that he loves about her.
- Cherish the fact that she, too, loves your son. After all, you want only the best for him, right?
- Remember that being right is not important – strengthening the relationship is what counts most.
- Recognize that you are not in competition with your son”s girlfriend. You have a unique role in their lives – trust it.
Girlfriends:
- Your boyfriend”s mother matters to him, let her matter to you, too.
- Appreciate that his mother may be struggling with all these changes, so treat her with compassion.
- Remember that being right is not important – strengthening the relationship is what counts most.
- Recognize that you are not in competition with your boyfriend”s mother. You are the one he chose – trust it.
- Understand that you will not be disloyal to your mother if you like his mother, too.
